A Secret Revealed
by HansonFanGermany
Summary: Aaron learns of a secret that Dave has been keeping to himself for a very long time. First follow-up to "Let Me Give You A Hand". Two-shot. Rossi/Hotch slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a follow-up to my multi-chapter Rossi/Hotch story "Let Me Give You A Hand". I don't think you'll have to read that one first to understand this story, but I certainly wouldn't mind if you did ;). **

**For the sake of this story, I'm pretending that Haley and Carolyn are buried on the same cemetery, which is also magically located close to where Dave is living ;). **

**Disclaimer: Not my characters…**

* * *

**A Secret Revealed**

Several weeks had passed since Dave and Aaron had gone from friends to lovers within only a few days. They had agreed to give their love a chance to blossom slowly, letting their relationship progress in steady baby steps to see where it would lead them. That included the decision to keep it to themselves for a while, letting Jack ease into the new situation and making it easier for themselves to get used to it.

It was also to make sure to change as little as possible in Jack's daily life. The only thing that was different for him was the fact that his Uncle Dave was over almost every day, including sleepovers, and that they were spending every weekend the two men were home either at Dave's mansion or at his cabin in Little Creek.

Other than that, things were basically the same. Jack was still staying with his Aunt Jessica every time his father was out of town.

Jessica was the only one who knew about her ex-brother-in-law's relationship with David Rossi.

Aaron and Dave had both known they wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from her, mainly because Jack would certainly talk to her about his Uncle Dave practically living with them or about their weekends together at Dave's houses. The last thing they wanted to do was to make Jack keep secrets for them.

Even though they didn't explicitly inform Jessica, she had figured it out in no time. It was the first test for them to see how their environment would react, and they were very glad that the blonde woman was so relaxed about it.

"It's time for you to be happy again, Aaron," she had told him, giving them their blessing.

As for their friends and teammates and the bosses at work, they weren't sure yet when to break the news. They planned on giving their relationship some more time to let things develop and then play it by ear.

Dave's parents didn't know either, but they would definitely learn about them before everyone else. Dave had never liked keeping things from them, but so far the right time and place to tell them hadn't come up.

Overall, the past few weeks had been very happy and relaxing for the two Hotchners and Dave. The two men enjoyed every minute alone together, getting to know each other intimately, learning about each other's likes and dislikes in and outside of bed.

Jack adored Dave. His uncle was another person to cuddle with, another person to build forts with. And most importantly, he had finally found someone to play video games with. His dad was not a fan of them and would strictly limit the time he spent playing, but with Dave he could sneak in some extra gaming time.

Plus, thanks to Dave he now had a pet. Since that first weekend at the cabin, Jack and Mudgie were practically glued together. Which was also very fortunate for Dave, because like that he could save a lot of money he had normally used to pay the dog sitter while he was away. Thankfully, Jessica hadn't mind taking the dog, too.

Everything had become more exciting for Jack, even his daily reading hour with his father. Now that Dave was there, too, they could do even more different voices, and Dave also knew the best stories, and he would tell him one every night before his bedtime.

Jack was not the only one who enjoyed the new situation. Aaron was very happy about the positive influence Dave had on Jack, and Dave relished being a quasi-father equally as much. He finally had the family he had always dreamed of.

At times, however, he felt particularly sad and melancholy when he did all those things with Jack and had to think about how he had never gotten the chance to do them with his own son, James.

He would get that wistful expression in his eyes and his mind would drift off for a few moments, wondering how James would have liked that particular game or story, what he would look like, what his character would be like.

There were times Dave barely couldn't believe it had been more than three decades that he and Carolyn had suffered the greatest loss imaginable. His heart was still aching constantly, as if it had happened yesterday.

However, there was another problem: Neither Aaron nor Jack, nor anyone else still alive – with the exception of his parents, his old friend Father Jimmy, and Penelope Garcia – knew about James.

He hadn't been able to tell them yet.

Aaron knew everything about Carolyn and Dave's other two wives, they'd had extensive conversations about their love lives over the years and especially since they'd gotten together, but for some reason, Dave hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about James.

Months ago, when Carolyn had died, he'd been sure his best kept secret would come out, not only to Aaron, but also to the rest of the team.

They'd just returned from a case, when she'd taken the pills and died in his arms.

Two days later, another urgent case had come up and the team had had to be back on the road. Aaron had offered to stay behind with him, as had Emily, but Dave had insisted they go. In a way, he had been glad they didn't have to find out about his deceased son. He hadn't wanted their pity and he certainly hadn't wanted to talk about it.

If he'd had his way, Penelope wouldn't have found out either. She had, however, stubbornly refused to be shaken off, never leaving his side during the funeral and until after the team had returned. If he was honest, he had been incredibly grateful for that.

When they had arrived at the cemetery, she hadn't noticed the little tombstone at first. But after Carolyn's casket had been lowered into the ground, he had stood there staring into the open grave while Penelope had glanced around. He still remembered her gasp when she'd realized it, and then her quiet sobs as she clung to his hand, her heart aching for him and the loss he and Carolyn had suffered.

She hadn't pushed him to talk about it, but had offered a listening ear if he ever needed it. He was still thankful for that, even though he'd never taken her up on it.

All he did was make her promise not to tell anyone.

Right now, he wished she had broken that promise and told Aaron about it. Or that Aaron had been there for the funeral, so he would know and he wouldn't have to find the words to tell him.

Aaron had already noticed Dave's occasionally mysterious behavior.

He'd even asked about it, but instead of telling him, Dave had brushed him off.

Another thing Dave wished he hadn't done.

There had been so many opportunities over the years for Dave to talk about his son with his best friend, but had never had the guts to do it, never found the right words.

Aaron had asked him once why he never had any kids, but all he could answer was, "Well, it just never happened."

Dave knew Aaron deserved to know sooner than later, especially since the younger man kept becoming more and more suspicious every time his mind wandered off again.

Some time alone with him would probably present him with a good moment to have that conversation.

That chance came faster than anticipated, when Jessica asked Aaron if she could take Jack with her for a weekend trip to her parents. Aaron agreed.

His former in-laws were currently the only grandparents Jack had, what with his own parents already deceased. Jack adored them, and Aaron had always liked them, too, just like they had always liked him. Nothing, not the divorce nor Haley's death had changed that, and they helped immensely in keeping Haley's memory alive for Jack.

At some point in the future Aaron hoped that Dave's parents could become grandparents for Jack as well, but they would cross that bridge when they were coming to it.

Right now, he was happy for having Dave all for himself for one whole weekend, and he hoped that they'd make good use of it.

They'd briefly considered driving out to the cabin, but then decided against it and stayed at Dave's mansion.

Friday evening was quiet and very relaxing. They made love for hours, touching, kissing and holding each other until they deeply satiated fell asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning started slowly. With no energetic six-year-old demanding their attention by seven a.m., the men were able to sleep in until well after nine o'clock.

Conversation over breakfast was light, until topic children came up.

They talked about Jack for a while, about how he was doing in school and the positive influence Dave had already had on him.

"You make a great father, Dave. I've never understood why you never had kids with any of your wives."

Dave's heart began to race, knowing Aaron had just given him the perfect opening to finally tell him about James.

But he couldn't. His tongue was suddenly tied and he couldn't even meet Aaron's eyes anymore.

"Yeah, well, you know, it just never came up."

Aaron would have been able to smell the bullshit in his words from a mile.

Furrowing his brows, he stared intensely at his lover.

"How long do you think I'm gonna buy this answer?"

"It's the only answer I have and therefore the only one you'll get." Dave hadn't meant to snap at him so aggressively, immediately regretting the words after they'd been out.

He got up and busied himself with cleaning up, all the while silently cursing himself for his reaction.

"Excuse me?"

Aaron was practically speechless for a moment.

One minute they were having a nice, relaxing breakfast and the next Dave freaked out like a pubescent teenage girl pms-ing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"With me? Nothing. Why are you asking stupid questions?"

Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing and Dave would love to be able to kick himself in the butt for what he was saying to him.

"You're kidding, right? That's the only explanation I have for you out of the blue snapping at me like that."

Dave only huffed and turned his back to Aaron, loading the dishwasher.

Staring at him for a full minute, waiting for an apology or at least an explanation, Aaron couldn't understand what had gotten into Dave. When his lover kept ignoring him, he had enough for the moment.

"Fine, if you want to behave worse like a defiant two-year-old, knock yourself out. I'm gonna take a walk with Mudgie. When we're back I hope you can behave and talk like an adult again."

He stood up, whistled for the dog, grabbed his leash and left without another word.

"Damn it!" Dave slammed his fist down and let out a string of loud curses.

He had been handed yet another chance to come clean and what was he doing? Screwing it up as usual.

He knew that when Aaron came back, an open conversation about James couldn't be delayed any longer. He knew he should feel relieved about it, but all he felt was terrified.

Terrified of what would happen when he opened this wound again.

Terrified that Aaron wouldn't understand.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Secret Revealed**

Aaron walked their usual round with Mudgie, but realized quickly that it wasn't long enough to clear is head and calm down.

Before he even realized where he was going, he had already reached the gates of the cemetery and had soon found his way to Haley's grave.

Sitting down on the small bench under the tree next to it, he stared at her headstone, lost in his thoughts.

After what seemed like an eternity, he began to speak.

"I've been meaning to visit you for a while now."

He swallowed and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees.

"Jack is great. He's really doing well in school and at soccer and he's made a lot of new friends through it. But I bet you already know that. And I bet you also know that I'm finally keeping my promise to you. I know you wouldn't mind that it's not a new woman, but another man. You've always liked Dave, didn't you? More than Jason, at least."

Aaron chuckled to himself at the memory of how she'd always cynically referred to Gideon as his "wife".

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that myself. I, uh, love him. He's good for me and Jack and I would like to think that we're good for him, too. If only he weren't so goddamn hot-headed and stubborn."

He gave her a detailed description of what had happened this morning. After he had finished his rant, he felt considerably better.

"I'm sorry. You didn't need to hear all that. But it felt good to just let it all out. I suppose you can't help me make sense of it all, can you?"

He smiled.

"Yeah, I didn't think so. But thanks for listening."

Leaning back against the backrest, Mudgie's leash slipped from his hand. As soon as the dog realized he was free, he ran off.

"Mudgie, wait!" Aaron yelled after him.

"I'm sorry," he said to Haley. "I have to go. I'll be bringing Jack next time."

He stood up and ran after the dog.

"Mudgie!"

Following the barks, Aaron quickly realized that the dark lab apparently had a specific target in mind. He found the dog lying in front of Carolyn's headstone, and was surprised at first by how much the dog seemed to be grieving for her. If he remembered correctly, Dave had had the dog for about seven years now. As far as he knew, Mudgie couldn't have met Carolyn more than just a couple of times, as she and Dave hadn't met more than once every few years.

Then Aaron's eyes fell on the smaller grave next to Carolyn's, and his heart almost stopped as everything immediately dawned on him.

"Oh Dave," he whispered.

Sighing deeply, he looked up to the sky.

"Thanks, Haley."

He stood at the grave for several minutes staring at the inscription on the tombstone.

_Beloved son. _His heart began to ache for Dave as tears pooled in his eyes.

Suddenly it all made sense. Those odd moments when Dave seemed lost in his own world, his short, snippy behavior like this morning, whenever he'd asked him about children, Dave's reaction whenever they had to deal with cases in which children were involved.

Aaron had always wondered if Dave was just being particularly empathic, which was certainly true, but didn't quite explain it all. Now he realized that he didn't imagine it when Dave was reacting in a way only a father would.

With another deep sigh, he grabbed Mudgie's leash and slowly walked back home with him.

He found Dave in his favorite recliner in the living room, a tumbler filled with his favorite Scotch in his hand. From the looks of it, he hadn't drunk from it yet.

"I'm back," he said unnecessarily, leaning against the doorframe.

"I can see that."

Dave kept on staring ahead.

The few moments of silence that followed felt uncomfortable.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Aaron asked finally, his voice calm and quiet.

Dave raised his head, surprised. He knew exactly what Aaron was talking about, but wondered where Aaron's sudden knowledge came from.

"I was at the cemetery."

Dave nodded and put his drink down. While Aaron had been away, he'd agonized over how to broach the subject. He had felt that he'd probably needed at least half of that bottle of Scotch before he could even start talking, but had still left the first glass he'd poured himself untouched.

"I've been meaning to tell you for so long," he began finally, his voice cracking. "I… it's just so hard. Even after so many years, I still have no words."

He ran a trembling hand through his hair and Aaron noticed the silent tears falling down his cheeks.

Dave took a few deep breaths, trying to swallow the lump in his throat so he could continue. Aaron waited patiently, letting him go at his own pace.

"We didn't know he had a heart condition. Everything had seemed normal on the ultrasounds. Everything had been perfect. Even when Carolyn went into labor everything went according to plan. We were not prepared for this to happen. We weren't prepared for him to die. "

Dave shook his head, the memory too clear as if it was happening all over again.

"Carolyn was almost ready to push when the doctor noticed his heart rate dropping very quickly. They did an emergency C-section, and even if everything went really quick, by the time they had him out he was already dead."

It was painful for Aaron having to watch Dave like that. He had a feeling that Dave had never talked about it with anyone before, at least not that detailed. Yet, he was sure that once everything was out, he would feel, if not better, then at least unburdened.

"We didn't realize at first. The doctors and nurses were rushing around us, and I was standing there, holding her hand as we were waiting to hear his first cries. But they never came. Not even one little whimpering."

Dave couldn't go on anymore. He broke down and buried his face in his hands, sobbing violently. Aaron was crying, too, feeling more helpless than he ever had before.

With a few quick steps he was at Dave's side, dropping to his knees in front of him and pulling him into his arms. He didn't know how much time passed as he was holding him, tightly wrapped in his arms, letting him cry into his chest. He didn't care how long it was, he would hold Dave as long as he would need it, ignoring the fact that his knees began to hurt after a while.

After so many years in which Dave had kept it all inside, all of the accumulated grief, anger, rage, was finally breaking out. Aaron understood why Dave had never told him.

He had been afraid that this would happen. He had been afraid that he would never be able to stop crying.

Eventually, though, the sobs began to quiet down, the tears running dry.

Aaron kept him in his embrace, rubbing circles across his back. He didn't say anything. There were no appropriate words, nothing that could give Dave any solace.

The band-aid over Dave's heart that had hidden the wound for so many years had been ripped off. All Aaron hoped was that the wound would now be able to heal. He would always be there to help him with that.

Reliving the situation had almost hurt more than it had back then, if that was even possible, Dave thought.

But when he finally calmed down and became aware of Aaron's strong and loving arms around his body, he felt as if the heaviest burden had been lifted from him. The pain was still there, but so was Aaron and together with him, he knew he would be able to heal. He and Jack would help him ease the pain.

Breaking out of Aaron's arms, he stood up, pulling his lover with him. When they both stood straight, Dave fell back in his embrace, clinging tightly to him.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Aaron," he said, reluctantly separating from him again.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Dave. I understand."

They walked over to the couch where Mudgie had stretched out, shoo-ing him away, before sitting down close together.

"I was afraid you would accuse me of using Jack as a replacement for Jamie," Dave said after another moment of silence.

"Dave-" That thought hadn't even entered Aaron's mind.

"Aaron, please?"

Aaron nodded and let Dave finish.

"I could never blame you if you had. I asked myself that question more than once lately. You know, every time we play with Jack or read with him, I wonder about Jamie. About what he and I would have done together, about what he would have liked and hated. It seems so unfair that I never got to see him grow up."

Dave got up and went over to his big oak desk, taking a small, aged photograph from one of its drawers, handing it to Aaron as he sat back down.

"That's him. One of the nurses took it for us. I don't think either Carolyn or I would have even thought about taking one."

Aaron stared at the picture. The little baby had dark-brown hair, just like Dave, and was wrapped in a light blue blanket. He looked peaceful, as if he was sleeping. Someone who didn't know would never guess that he hadn't been alive anymore by the time the picture was taken.

"He was beautiful," Aaron whispered softly.

"Yes, he was."

A few tears were running down their cheeks again.

"After our divorce, I let Carolyn hold on to the photo. She gave it back to me a few minutes before she died. I haven't really been able to look at it until today. Maybe I should finally frame it and put it up somewhere."

"I think that's a great idea," Aaron said, taking Dave's hand.

"You remember when I told you that wife number 3 and I separated because we had expected different things from our lives?"

Aaron nodded.

"Diane wanted children. Before Jamie, as young as I had even been, I had always wanted them, too. But after we had lost him, I couldn't let myself go there again. I was so afraid this would happen again. With Joanne, it had been easier. She had never wanted kids, at least not with me. When you and Jack came into my life, I didn't really think about everything that could possibly happen. I just took the chance. I don't want you to feel like I'm using you for your son, because I'm not. I would want to be with you no matter what. But when you allowed me to be in his life, I just had to grasp it. I'm finally getting the chance to be a dad and it feels like the best thing that has ever happened. And I'm so afraid of losing it again."

Placing the photo on the table, Aaron took Dave's hand between his, bringing it up to his lips for a soft kiss.

"You won't. I promise you that I would never take it away from you."

"Thank you."

Smiling through is tears, Dave leaned over for a gentle kiss.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Dave. For as long as you'll have us, we're yours."

As the happiness returned to his eyes, Dave knew that he had nothing to be afraid of anymore.

"How does forever sound?"

"Perfect."

_~The End~_


End file.
